Is it too early to make jokes about the tragedy at Virginia Tech? Probably. Does my heart go out to the families of the victims? Certainly. But most importantly, am I an @$$hole? ABSOLUTELY. As a matter of fact I was going to enroll in summer courses at my University next week, but in lieu of yesterday’s events and the high density of Asian students at my school, I think I need to transfer to a safer school, like Prairie View, Paul Quinn, or Texas Southern.
Bad tasted jokes aside, why are our people such performers? And what is it about funerals that bring out that stage presence in the vast majority? From coordinated family suit colors, to fist fights over “who’s riding in the family car”, from casket climbing to 30 minute soliloquies that began as limited 2 minute remarks, black funerals are productions worthy of their own 15 minutes of fame. Each unique, with it’s own identity, each having its own fingerprint, if you will.
The pilot episode would include a funeral story I heard today on my lunch break. We’ll just pick it up in the middle of my meal, as it was told to me, verbatim:
Funeral homes are just out to get you for your money. Why? What do you mean? My great uncle passed away last year. He was a veteran and lost both legs as aThere is no way this show wouldn’t be a hit. I’m laughing right now just thinking about it. And, I already have our slogan, America’s Funniest Black Funerals: people are dying to be on our show. That joke will hit you later.
result of a war injury. Ok, and…? They charged us the full rate. They made us buy the whole casket. We wanted one of those kid caskets, since he was only torso and arms, no need to waste a whole half of a casket. Annnndddd, they wouldn’t just sell us half the plot. Annnndddd, they charged us for 6 paul bearers. If they would have given us the kid casket, we would have only needed 2. We would have only needed half the flowers. Annnnddddd If we would have had the kid casket, the funeral would have even been shorter, because it would have only taken half the time to view the body.*
PEACE
ONE GOD ONE LOVE
J
*Ok, this last sentence is a lie. Sorry, I couldn’t help it.
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7 comments:
Oh my effing GOD! J?! You need to be beaten for this one.
HE'S BACK!
The world famous BLOGKING is BACK IN THE BUILDING!!
And just when I thought you'd shattered your funnybone, you redeem yourself.
Welcome back hun!!!
~leggs
p.s. On a serious note, this would be the FUNNIEST shit ever. I want to help you shoot the pilot and I'll even broker the deal for you. :)
j, this is borderline! very borderline! i thought i had a tart sense of humor, but wow....!
oh but you did forget when black folks spray paint on the casket and c-walk down the isle for the viewing! ;P
J, you are so hilarious....I might have to go to one of those safer schools with you....PV and Paul Quinn sounds so much safer, see ya there this summer. HaHa
-E
once again, you hit the funny bone. i think id actaully watch that. it sounds so ridiculous, it would grab me for at LEAST one season. lol!
Veronica J.
Pretty nice.
I wish someone would get all sensitive about you talking about Virginia Tech...
The truth is ALWAYS funny!
And you my good man are TRUTHFUL!
@ leggs in the city, well thanks. I haven’t been feeling very funny since my mom passed, but I am trying to get back on my throne. I’ve just been taking the long way around. BlogKing…… has a nice ring to it.
@ erynmyisha, you know I live on that borderline. Thanks.
@ anonymous (e), what classes do you plan on taking? On second thought, we can’t go to a school in a black neighborhood either. All the corner stores, and soul food spots are run by Asians….. I’m moving to Alaska. Ain’t no Eskimo ever hurt anyone.
@ anonymous (veronica j), all I would need is one season. The second season would never air, cause of course we would be late for EVERY deadline.
@ linz, I thought someone was going to get upset about the VT joke too, and I almost took it out, but I remembered, I was me, and since I am the writer AND the editor.... well you know.
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